Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
