He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
