hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
