Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
