I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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