You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
