she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
