Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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