Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
