How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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