I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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