it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
