While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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