Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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