My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
