The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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