I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
