i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
