I hate all girls vehemently.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
