Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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