Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I supernannyed him into submission
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
