We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize