she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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