somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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