Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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