the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
