I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
