what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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