3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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