I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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