You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize