Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God, I missed his penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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