You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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