I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
