Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
