Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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