did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
