he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
