he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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