Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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