Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
