if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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