I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
