the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
