Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
