I can text with my tongue
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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