Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
