I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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