You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
