your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
