The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
