Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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