Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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