So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
