I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
