So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
