I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
