i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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