how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
