I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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