I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
