If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
