so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I look better un-naked...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
