did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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