Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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