I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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