Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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