lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you would pick up someone in the library
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
