Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
