I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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