He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
