You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
