Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
