It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
