covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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