just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
