she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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