Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
