Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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