There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
